So I decided that psychology makes sense...

Sometimes as I am completing my course work, I sit and wonder if I have made the right decision regarding my future doctorate degree. My bachelor and masters’ degree are both in education. Many people choose to go for EdD when they have a background in education. Some of my close friends inside and outside of education cannot figure out why I would choose psychology over education. I have been told that I would make a good administrator. The problem is, I do not agree. I know that I am capable, but I also know that I lack the patience to lead. I am just not interested in captaining a ship, so to speak. I applaud those that choose that for their life. Sometimes, however, an individual knows deep in their soul what would not be best for them. I have chosen to get my PhD in psychology: cognition and instruction.

So, what is the big difference? As it was explained to me, an EdD is someone who wants to be a leader of change in education. They are willing to lead a school, implement changes, motivate staff, etc. The PhD that I have chosen focuses on finding out the issue of what is wrong in education. What needs to be changed to make improvements? The program I have chosen is focused on research more than leading the changes. Truly, that interests me more than leading others. I would like to diagnose problems, suggest changes, and move on to the next mystery. Psychology, however, is not my background. Because it is not my background, it has caused a great amount of anxiety to say the least.

Why the anxiety? Well, let’s just say that as I am reading and responding to psychology materials that are deeper than I studied during my undergrad years. I feel that I am at a disadvantage. You would think my years of practicing psychology in the classroom, would provide some relief, but it does not. Instead, I find myself having to read and reread materials in order to understand. I not only use my course materials, I use an old psychology textbook to help me understand concepts. I am glued to the Google search engine to make sure I understand definitions and concepts. Many of my classmates have a psychology background, so when we discuss psychology ideas (psychoanalysis and behaviorism thus far), I feel unsure, ill prepared, and vastly behind. Anxiety, unfortunately, is part of my weekly life.

To fix the anxiety, friends have suggested that I look at discussions made by classmates prior to posting my own responses. I guess that would make sense, except the overachieving pupil in me just can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to look at someone else’s work to help form my ideas and opinions. I am that student that always wants to make sure that everything is just right. Included in this desire, is my drive to want to understand. I desire knowledge. I am the eternal student at heart. So, I don’t look. I refuse to. I want to know for myself, and I want to format my own opinion. Unfortunately, I still experience the anxiety. I would say that I have come to accept this, but sometimes it is hard.

So, why do I do it? Why do I stick with psychology? True, for me, it is more challenging than the EdD program would be, but my plan for the future points to the PhD program. I want to be able to create curriculum, to research, to understand, and to suggest changes in education. In order to accomplish my goals, I feel that the best choice would be psychology. Welcome to Psychology 101, right? I may have to start back at the beginning, but I am going to get to the end… eventually. So, I decided that psychology makes sense… for me.