So... I decided to take some time...

There is something to be said about the enormous amount of work required by a doctoral student. When I first started my program, I felt like I had a clear understanding of what it meant to be a grad student. I was mistaken. I have mentioned before that there are times when one has to sacrifice some time to complete work required by a doctoral program. This is a very true statement. There are moments when you do have to sacrifice something you truly want to do. However, there are other times when you just cannot make that sacrifice.

Last week my identical twin, Tiffany, decided she would make a trip to come and see me. I am not sure if any of you know a close set of identical twins, but if you do, you know they are usually best friends. The thought of sacrificing time to see her and sacrificing time on my homework weighed heavy on my mind. The excitement of her coming was also met with the anxiety that she was going to visit. How could that possibly be? This was meant to be a time of joy and excitement. After not seeing my best friend in almost a year, I was going to get to do THINGS! I was going to experience life outside of my home, out of my chair, and away from the computer (I literally view the computer as a futuristic version of Pac-Man eating my brain cells - aka dots). The moment Tiffany's trip was finalized, I was anxiously excited if that is even a possible emotion.

When Tiffany had first decided to visit me, there was some hesitation on whether or not I would actually have "time" to dedicate to visiting with her. She knew that my eyeballs are literally glued to the computer the moment I get home from a full day of teaching middle school. Although she was excited too, I know she felt my anxiety even if she was 12 hours away. In the end, my doctoral program not only weighed on my mind, but it weighed on her heart. I guess that is one of the difficulties of balancing this type of program with family and friends. At the beginning of the program, you have to learn when enough is enough. As a perfectionist and "A" student, making this decision was incredibly difficult. Do I sacrifice time in my program to spend time with someone that means the world to me? The answer was simply - YES.

When I first started the program, my academic advisor discussed this exact issue with me. She had told me there would be times when I would have to be willing to accept a deduction in points on assignments because sometimes life has to happen. Birthday parties, National Junior Honor Society induction ceremonies, worship rehearsals, physical therapy appointments for your fiancé, and even important family visits happen. These are moments that trump doctoral programs. Some may disagree, but at the moment my twin arrived at my home, I knew I had made the right decision. Whatever was to happen during that week of instruction, I knew my time with my best friend was more important than an "A" on a discussion post. This is not to say I did not work my rear end off prior to her arrival in order to get ahead. I did. The week before she arrived was one of the hardest weeks ever in terms of completing work; however, it was worth it the moment I saw my identical twin smiling back at me. All the stress from the week before seemed to melt away, and I knew that none of it mattered as much as this time I set aside to be with her. It was a time for me to recenter, reassess, and breathe.

I think one of the best pieces of advice on this topic that I have ever received came from my fiancé's mother, Joy.

After telling her I was afraid of getting a "B" on an assignment, she asked me one day (paraphrasing), "What do you call a doctoral student walking across the stage at graduation?"

I didn't have an answer.

"Doctor."

So... I decided to take some time... to be with my twin and best friend.